Savior
by selenehekate
Summary: Oneshot. Their relationship was nothing more than physical, so why did Snape suddenly care so much? Inspired by Rise Against's song "Savior". OTP Winner of the Hogwarts Games: Running Category!


_Savior _

_"It kills me not to know this but I've all but just forgotten_

_What the color of her eyes were and her scars or how she got them"_

His body pulsed with waves of pleasure as she rolled off of him and came to lie, panting, at his side. Severus' eyes were squeezed tightly shut as he gave in to the happiness that filled his body, the sated tingle that coursed through his recently-ravaged form. It was the closest thing to euphoria he'd ever experienced.

Like always, however, Hermione Granger had to open her Merlin-forsaken mouth and ruin the quiet, post-orgasm bliss that encompassed him. "Well," she said with a small, breathless laugh. "I must say, that was lovely, as usual."

"Mm," he said, keeping his eyes squeezed shut. Why did the best lover he'd ever been with have to be the most annoying chit he knew?

"Same time next week, then?" she inquired as she slowly sat up, cracking her neck as she went.

"Might we be able to push it back an hour?" he asked as he lazily opened an eye to peer at her face. "I have a staff meeting to attend to."

"Of course," she said. She gathered her hair up in her hands and pulled it back, piling it atop her head as she tied it with a rubber band. "That will give me some time to look over the new manifesto."

He rolled his eyes. "How fascinating," he muttered. He was just about to shut his eyes and allow her to dress in peace when he saw something out of place. "Did I do that?" he asked, sitting up. He reached over and gently caressed the space right behind her ear, where a large red welt had formed.

"Oh, no," she said with a small, irritating laugh. "Potions accident. It happened a couple of weeks back."

He frowned, his hand dropping from her face. "Why didn't you come to me?"

A lazy smirk drifted across her face as she teased, "Why? I was in pain; I certainly wasn't in the mood for a shag."

"I _am_ a potions master, Granger," he snapped as he lay back on the pillow. "I could have provided a tonic to sooth the burn."

She shrugged and stood up, glancing around the room for her clothing. "I didn't want to bother you. It was my problem, not yours."

"So that's all I'm good for, then?" he scowled and crossed his arms over his chest. "A good shag whenever you desire it. But you won't tell me when you injure yourself?"

She threw her shirt on and reached for her pants. "Why would you need to know?"

"Do you think I want to accidentally hurt you during one of our trysts?" he glared. "I'd have to care for your wounds in the midst of what could have been a pleasurable encounter, and I certainly don't have the time for that."

"If I'd thought it to be detrimental, I'd have told you," she said as she slipped on her shoes. She gave him a small smile and grabbed her purse from the bedside table. "You don't have to be so concerned, Severus. By your rules, we're just having sex. Nothing more. Your concern, therefore, is not needed." She turned her back on him and walked from his bedroom and into his chamber's sitting room. "I'll see you next week."

He glowered at the room before him, left empty in her wake. Selfish, rude, irritating girl! Still... despite all of her pushy ways, as she had left, Severus couldn't help but noticed for the first time just how dark of a brown her eyes really were.

* * *

_"But seldom do these words ring true when I'm constantly failing you."_

She ran through his thoughts for the rest of the week. He wasn't sure _why_, but he just couldn't get her out of his mind. Perhaps it was because she didn't trust him with knowledge about her health. Why was that? How could she possibly think he didn't have a right to know when she injured herself? Why didn't she want his help?

The questions that had formed out of irritation grew into angry rants that constantly streamed about his mind. By the time the next week rolled around, Severus was filled with such resentment and hatred towards his lover that he wanted nothing more than to never see her again.

So, naturally, she was already in his room when he returned from the staff meeting. She stood from the chair she'd been perched primly on, a small smile appearing upon her face. "You sure took your time."

He scowled as he flung off his coat and hung it on the back of the door with a flourish. "Get out," he said, his voice low and deadly.

She raised her eyebrows. "I beg your pardon?"

"Get. _Out_," he said. He refused to look at her, his eyes trained instead on the door he was holding open.

"What's this about, Severus?" she asked, her voice oddly quiet as she spoke.

"I'm not in the mood to deal with your inane babbling today, Granger." He felt a growl build up in his chest as all of his anger and resentment towards her for hiding things from him bubbled to the surface. "Now _get out!"_

A part of him was internally stunned - he never yelled. Even when he'd been furious at Potter, back when the boy had attended Hogwarts, he'd always managed to keep his temper in check. But now? This girl, this vexing, ridiculous girl could somehow make him lose control. And yet a part of him was unconcerned. He was hurt by how little she apparently cared about his opinion, and how she only wanted to see him, evidently, during sex. That's all he was good for, to her. Sex.

"Fine then," she said, her voice soft. "I'll see you next week."

His eyes snapped up to her face as she passed through the door. She looked... disappointed? And upset? Had he actually hurt her? Just like that, all of the anger fled his body. He wanted to go after her, to apologize, but his pride stood in his way. Wearily, he shut the door.

_See you next week_. Her words echoed in his mind as he slowly walked over to the fireplace. Why? Why would she have him as a lover - cruel, heartless, selfish him - when all he did was hurt her and fail her?

* * *

_"That's when she said I don't hate you, boy_

_I just want to save you while there's still something left to save"_

He saw her again a week later, despite having previously thrown her out. The sex was, as always, wonderful. But the entire time he couldn't help but feel troubled. As Hermione rolled away from him and climbed out of bed, Severus turned onto his side and studied her appearance instead of laying back and shutting his eyes, as was his custom. She had been unusually quiet throughout the entire encounter. Her eyes had never once met his, her hands had barely glossed over his chest, and her lips hadn't touched him once - not his neck, not his torso, not his... _gentleman's area_. She was distant. Distracted.

"You hate me, don't you?" he asked softly as she grabbed her blouse from off of the floor. He knew that though his voice was gentle, his words were harsh but he couldn't hold it in. He was too wounded by the fact that she couldn't even look at him when they shagged.

She paused, her eyes darting quickly to his. "I'm sorry?"

"If you hate me so much," he said, his words leaving his mouth slowly, "then why are you here? Why do you subject yourself to the torment of having to touch me?"

She set her blouse down on a nearby table and sat on the bed once more, clad only in her bra and panties. "I don't hate you, Severus."

"That still doesn't explain your continued presence," he said with a scowl as he sat up, coming face to face with her.

"Is it really so hard to believe that I want to be here?" she asked, her fingers absentmindedly tracing over his sheets.

"Yes."

"I... Well, then I guess I'm here because... I just want to save you. While there's still something left to save, I suppose," she added as an afterthought.

He blinked. "_What_?"

She sighed. "It's... what I mean is that you're so... damaged, really."

His face hardened at her words. "I see. So I'm nothing more than your charity case, is that it?"

"No! Not at all. Honestly, Severus, stop being so acrid." She shook her head. "Your life lacks friendly human interaction. That's why I was initially drawn to you, you see. I wanted to... provide that necessary part of life for you. I wanted to be there for you because I knew you had no one. And then once I found out how good the sex was, well," she chuckled, "can you really blame me for coming back again and again?"

"I don't need you to be here, _Granger_," he snapped as his hand curled in the sheets, bunching them up into a knot beneath his palm.

"Perhaps not," she said, her eyes soft and serene. "But I _want_ to be here. Truly."

He opened his mouth to retort, to call her moronic, to hurt her for presuming that he needed someone in his life... and then he saw her. He finally, candidly saw her for who she was. As he stared into her dark brown eyes - so soft, so warm - a terrifying epiphany hit him: _She's in love with me! _

He swallowed, shutting his mouth quickly as the realization hit him. He'd never had anyone love him before. This was... new and unprecedented. He was lost. He quickly pulled away, standing. Within seconds, he had crossed the room and grabbed his cloak from behind the door. "Perhaps it's time you leave, Granger. If you'll excuse me, I have a lot of work to do," he said as he modestly wrapped the cloak around his shoulders.

Neither of them looked at each other as Hermione got dressed and walked out his door.

* * *

_"So tell me now if this ain't love then how do we get out?_

_Because I don't know"_

Love. That was certainly what she felt towards him. Once he'd realized it, he couldn't believe just how foolish he'd been all this time. _Of course_ she loved him. It was apparent in everything she did with him. The way she always laughed at his deprecating and insulting sarcasm, the way she always dressed impeccably just to have her clothes thrown to the side of the room as they shagged, the way she ran her fingers through his ever-oily hair... Then there was the way she smiled at him, her lips widening so far he thought they would split apart. Her eyes would soften and her head would unconsciously tip down, as though she were shy under his gaze. For six months they'd been sleeping together, meeting just to fulfill their greatest carnal desires. How had he not noticed it before?

No, there was no denying that Hermione Granger was in love, to be sure. But could the same be said about Severus? He wasn't sure. He'd never actually been loved before, so he wasn't sure what to do.

He needed to figure out his own feelings, that much he knew. It was a little difficult to do, however, with Hermione Granger lying breathless beside him moments after they'd entered their post-coital bliss. He opened his eyes into a slit and stared down at her, examining her naked form. There was no doubt she was beautiful in her own way - she possessed a confident strength that most women _years_ older than her were missing. She was intelligent as well, perhaps too intelligent. Severus frowned. She _did_ become rather irritating when she showed her intelligence off. That was certainly a negative aspect of her being.

But did any of that matter? Whether he returned her feelings or not, the truth was that he was old and damaged, and no matter how much Hermione wanted to 'save' him from his own antisocial tendencies, she really deserved much better than him. Could he really, in good consciousness damn her to a stilted life with the snarky bastard of the dungeons? If it even went that far? Perhaps it would just be best to cut all ties with her, to save her from his misery.

A small laugh from beside him startled Severus from his musings. He turned his head and viewed the brown eyes of Hermione fully. "Your mind never shuts up, does it?" she said. "I can practically _hear_ you thinking."

He couldn't resist a scowl as he stared back at her. "I'm a busy man, Granger."

She rolled her eyes. "Indeed you are," she said as she slipped out of bed. She ran her fingers through her hair, shaking it out with a quick toss of her head. "Yet you still have time for me," she said, smirking at him as she grabbed her beige dress and tossed it over her head. "Same time next week?"

"Oh. No," he said, startling even himself as raised up onto his arm. "Let's meet a little earlier in the week, shall we?"

She quirked an eyebrow. "Instead of our usual time, or-"

"In addition to," he said smoothly. "I have a rather arduous work week ahead of me, and I could use the extra time to... relieve some tension." He raised an eyebrow at her, trying to mask the internal bewilderment he was facing. _Lies_, his mind told him. _Your week won't be any different than it normally is._

She chuckled, but agreed nonetheless. "As you wish," she said as she slipped her bag over her shoulder. "Shall we say... Tuesday?"

"Nine o'clock," he said with a brief nod. "Don't be late."

"I wouldn't dream of it, _Professor_," she said, a mocking smile slipping across her face. "See you Tuesday."

As she walked primly from the room, a strong sense of disappointment fell over Severus. He was alone. Never before had he minded being alone, so why now? What was it about this one, infuriating girl that made him so different? "If this isn't love then I must be going mad," he muttered to himself as he lay back down on his bed.

That's what it felt like, anyway. The fear that he was already so attuned with this girl made him wonder if he should end their shagging arrangement sooner rather than later. Surely his constant desire to see her wasn't healthy for him, and it would certainly only hurt her in the long run. No, he had to end it, didn't he? No matter how he felt about Hermione Granger, he knew that he wasn't the best thing for her.

One thing he knew for certain: love or not, there was no more denying that he cared about the girl.

* * *

_"That's when I told her I love you girl_

_But I'm not the answer to the questions that you still have"_

"Mm, twice a week. I could get used to this," Hermione said, stretching her arms over her head and arching her back. Severus quickly closed his eyes, forcing himself to look away from her bare body. "Of course, it would be a little easier to enjoy if you hadn't looked so distracted the entire time."

Slowly, he opened his eyes and turned to her with a rather laconic gaze. "I beg your pardon?"

"You. What has you so distracted?" she asked as she pulled herself into a sitting position.

"Nothing," he said, a scowl coming over his features. "Nothing at all."

She rolled her eyes and stood, bending down to grab her skirt from the floor. "If you insist. I'll see you on Friday, then. Usual time?"

"No," he said quickly, before he could stop himself. He froze, mentally cursing his impetuous mouth for acting before his brain could tell him otherwise.

"No you don't want to see me Friday?" Hermione asked, raising an eyebrow. "I thought you wanted to meet twice this week?"

"I do," he said slowly. His face paled as he spoke, the normal pauses he inflicted into his speech seeming to double in length. "However... perhaps it would... be best if we didn't meet... again. At all."

Her mouth fell open a bit, but she quickly shut it, her eyes growing hard with anger. "Really, now? And why's that, _Snape_?"

He sat up, giving her a small glare as he spoke. "Now who's being acrid and hostile, Granger?"

"Just answer the question."

He sneered, "Because I know that-" He stopped. His words were cruel and his tone was even worse. No matter what his concerns were, he had no right to be vicious to someone who loved him.

"You know what?" she said in a dark, even tone.

"Nothing."

"Snape, just... just tell me," she said with an annoyed sigh.

"I know... that you love me," he admitted.

He could see her whole body go rigid as color slowly appeared onto her cheeks. Her eyes roamed throughout the nooks and crannies of his room, and yet they stayed far away from him. "I should go," she muttered at last. She jumped into action, sliding into her skirt at an incredible speed.

"No," he said, lunging forward to grab her arm. "That's not what I meant."

"It is," Hermione said calmly. Her voice was even, but Severus could see that the witty Gryffindor's eyes were wetter than normal. "It is, or you wouldn't have said it."

"But that's not why we should stop meeting, Granger!" he snapped, tightening his hold on her arm. "Your _feelings_ have nothing to do with it."

She snorted and shook her head, her eyes trained upon the ceiling to keep back the tears. "Don't give me that, Snape. Don't you _dare_ tell me the knowledge that I _love_ you doesn't frighten you enough to kick me out of your life."

"You're looking for something, Granger. Something that I can't give you, some sort of charity case that you can heal and learn from-"

"I'm not!"

"You are! You're Hermione Jean Granger! You're constantly searching for answers to everything - questions about magic and history and love, even love! And I can't give you those answers," he pleaded as he pushed himself onto his knees. He grabbed her face roughly in his hands and forced her to look at him. "Do you hear me? I can't be what you want me to be because I love you, Hermione, but I'm _not_ the answer to the questions that you still have."

Hermione, however, had ceased trying to avoid his gaze, and was instead staring at him in wide-eyed wonder. "You love me?"

His body went numb as he realized just what he'd said to her and he immediately darted away, letting her face go as he hastily moved towards the other side of the bed. "You should go."

"Do you love me?"

"Leave, Granger-"

"Answer the question!" she demanded as she climbed back onto the bed. "Do you love me?"

He shook his head. "Just _go_!"

"Do you love me?"

"Yes! All right, yes I _do_! Does that make you happy? To know that I love you? Because it certainly doesn't make _me_ happy. No, because I _know_ that I could never be with you," he said as his black eyes bore into her brown ones. "I'm not _good_ for you. I will do nothing but harm you, Hermione, so you need to leave _now_."

"I'm not going anywhere," she whispered as she slipped her hands up his chest and cupped his chin. Then, slowly, she leaned down and brought her lips to his in a kiss that set his veins on fire.

Merlin only knows why she wanted him, yet want him she did. Perhaps she would save him after all.

* * *

_This was written for the Hogwarts Olympics Competition: Running 2000 plus. This was also written for the OTP boot camp with the prompt acrid, and the Lyrics Drabble Challenge with the song "Savior" by Rise Against who, in case you didn't already guess, wrote the song whose lyrics are interspersed throughout this oneshot. I hope you've enjoyed it! I love writing Sev and Hermione, so this has been so much fun for me! Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks!_

_Cheers!_

_-Selene_


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